The Safety Net – Part 1

Courtesy Dennis and Barbara Rainey of FamilyLife

Without the cleansing power of forgiveness, at best our relationship/marriage will be a very hard duty. At worst it will be disaster. No matter how hard two people try to love and please each other, they will fail. With failure comes hurt. And the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing salve of forgiveness.

One of the keys to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy relationship/marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual‘s relationship with God.

About the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, ―For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions‖ (Matt. 6:14–15). The instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be “forgivers,” and marriage—probably more than any other relationship—presents frequent opportunities to practice.

Forgiving means giving up resentment or the desire to punish another person.

By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook. And as a Christian you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest. Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged: ”Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).

The real test of your ability to forgive comes on the battlefield when you and your partner or spouse are ticked off and angry with each other. That is when you need the power of the Holy Spirit and must ask, “God, You need to help me here. I need to move to forgiveness because You have commanded me to do so. I need You to empower me, to enable me to give up the right of punishing my partner/spouse and to forgive.”

It took practice early in our relationship/marriage, but we learned how to keep our relationship healthy most of the time by not burning excessive emotional energy on resentment. We grant forgiveness and ask for it freely—even when we don‘t feel like it.

In Part 2 of this series The Safety Net, we’ll discover why asking for forgiveness is difficult.  Remember to subscribe to the feed so you won’t miss it!  And join our Facebook community page to be known and needed for family, marriage & parenting skills and sharing.