The Safety Net – Part 2

Why is asking for forgiveness difficult?

It is humbling to admit you‘re wrong and to ask forgiveness… But it‘s a key action to defeating your pride.

In the first years of our relationship/marriage, this was a struggle for me (Dennis). When I did admit I was wrong, I often said, “If I was wrong when I did this, I‘m sorry.” I was deploying what might be called the “If Maneuver”—using that tiny word if to give myself an out, to avoid admitting my responsibility.

At one of our Weekend to Remember relationship/marriage getaways, a husband and father of several boys boasted to me, “You know, I‘ve been married twenty-four years, and I‘ve never once apologized to my wife for anything I‘ve done wrong.”

“Oh, really?” I said in a tone that urged him to tell me more.

“Yeah,” he said with obvious pride. “Every time we get into a squabble or any kind of disagreement, I just tell her, ‘I’m sorry you‘re mad at me.‘ I don‘t admit anything. I just tell her it‘s too bad she had to get so mad.”

Then with a smug grin, he admitted, “And all these years she‘s never realized that I have never once apologized.”

I had the strongest urge to give the guy a piece of my mind. What a pitifully selfish attitude to bring into a love relationship!

Instead I tactfully attempted to explain that he was missing a blessing. He didn‘t listen. He went away quite sure he was a very clever fellow. He didn‘t realize that he was hurting not only his wife, but also himself and his children. Just think of what he was modeling for his sons. [Courtesy Dennis and Barbara Rainey of FamilyLife]

In Part 3 of this series The Safety Net, we’ll discover why granting forgiveness is difficult too. Remember to subscribe to the feed so you won’t miss that, or how to handle “major wrongs”!  And join our Facebook community page to be known and needed for family, marriage & parenting skills and sharing.