The Safety Net – Part 4

What about major wrongs?

No question—there are some hurts, such as adulterous affairs or a spouse‘s addiction to pornography, that are extremely difficult to forgive and get over. There may always be some pain and distrust in the person‘s heart that has been so deeply offended. But we are still commanded by God to move beyond the circumstances and forgive.

That does not let the other person off the hook for completing necessary restitution and demonstrating repentance. Some boundaries may need to be erected in the relationship to prevent the sinful behavior from happening again. An intervention by a pastor, counselor, or mature friend may be required to make the sting of pain from the sin felt so sharply that the offending partner/spouse will finally realize that the behavior has to change. No one should be allowed to continue perpetrating serious harm on a mate.

Ultimately, though, forgiveness must rule. Anyone who says, “I cannot forgive you,” really means, “I choose not to forgive you.” If forgiveness seems impossible at that point, if prayer and reading the Scriptures do not seem to work, go to another person. Seek out a wise counselor—an elder at your church, a wise Bible teacher, a same-sex friend to confide in—and say, “Can you help me get beyond this?”

As Christians, we do not have the option of becoming embittered with our partner/spouses. The result of obeying God and forgiving is not bondage, but freedom. Ruth Bell Graham said it well, “A good partnership/marriage is the union of two forgivers.”

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Courtesy Dennis and Barbara Rainey of FamilyLife