What Do You Expect From Your Kids – Part 2

My middle daughter Mackenzie turned 12 last fall, and we celebrated her coming into young womanhood with a rite of passage party, and a big challenge.  The expectations are unmistakably high, but I can tell you she is absolutely excited about living up to these qualities already having a big sister who is leading the way.  If you want an uncommon family, with uncommon children, you must do uncommon things.  Here is the document we presented on her birthday as the gateway to womanhood.

QUALITIES TO HAVE BY AGE 15

1. God First: Without being told, have a personal Bible reading, memorizing and prayer time.  “Bible before breakfast”.
2. Family: More excited and interested in what’s happening in the lives of your family than you are in the lives of your friends. Treating your brothers and sisters better than your best friend.
3. Development: Embrace how God has created you, and continually develop in your Top 3 areas of strength: Dependability, Discoverer, and Relating.
4. Protect your Heart: In the same way that you would not put anything dirty or rotten into your mouth, do not allow anything dirty or rotten into your mind. Example: what you read, see on internet, what you watch on TV, or what you hear on the radio/music selection.
5. Attitude: Being kind and courteous, even when you are tired, don’t feel good, or just don’t want to.  Attitude is something you can choose each and every day.
6. Effort: Develop a habit of doing a task better this time than the last time, or doing your best every time, now matter how small.  Take initiative and look for ways to help around the house without being told.  Example:  chores, education.
7. Graciousness: Taking “no” for an answer realizing that God has put those in authority over us to protect us from things we cannot see.  Instead of arguing, take your request to God, and pray according to Luke 18:1-8 and Luke 11:1-13 that God will change the hearts of those in authority over you or change your heart to accept the answer.
8. Stand Alone: learn to stand alone, even if “everybody else is doing it”, knowing your family will stand by you. What you do when nobody is looking AND when your parents aren’t looking matters more than what you do in full view of them.
9. Leadership: Model the 9-Character First core values by leading others in Responsibility, Patience, Initiative, Self-Control, Punctuality, Resourcefulness, Discretion, Creativity, Empathy and Tolerance.
10. Modesty: Fashionable, God and family honoring dress which brings attention to your countenance and character, not your body.  Realizing that outward beauty is temporal and inward beauty of a meek and quiet spirit is everlasting.
11. Servanthood: Have a servant’s heart. Meek/quiet.
12. Well-Mannered: Be polite and exhibit refined behaviors.
13. Learners Heart: Work comfortably in a business environment, not prideful about what you know, but have the attitude of a learner. Being Right isn’t always best.
14. Excellence Check:  Characterized by being organized, neat, and efficient.  Always looking for a way to do it better, faster, and with good quality.
15. Stewardship: Manage money well — earning, giving, spending, and saving.  Understanding the value of a dollar.  Plan your money before it plans you, giving every dollar a name before you get or spend it.

Mackenzie signed and dated the list, accepting the challenge, with both me and my wife signing as full partners with her to achieve these lofty qualities.  I hit on it in Part 1, but if you don’t have relationship built up with your child, there is a good chance they will rebel against these expectations.  Better for you to be intentional in building your relationship for a season before you introduce these qualities.

What do you think about having expectations like these for your child(ren)?  What are you communicating to them by having high expectations like these?

In Part 3, I will unpack the Rebellious Child myth.  In Part 4, we’ll tackle Peer Pressure.  You won’t want to miss it, so join the newsletter RSS feed, follow us on twitter @familyvision or on Facebook.com/FamilyID.